Then she looks at its eyes. Catscan: Searching for kitty See his answers: 1. They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. "The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday.". We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem. Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Masturbation always leads to sex. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe and wait for the doctor.Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.Shingles, the man replied.Where? asked the doctor.Outside in the truck, the man responded, Where do you want them?. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very sorry. Here are all the best chicken jokes, just for you! What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. Avoid heavy lifting. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? That will be $500." If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Whats the best place to hide from a doctor? "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? The next week the old lady returns. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. It only costs $10." 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. "Doctor: "The good news is the surgery was successful. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?, Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. One liners and short jokes; He said he could feel it in his bones. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. Title of the movie. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid.Doctor: Nonsense you can stop anytime., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! Do you know a good joke which isn't here. 80 short jokes and one liners! That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. 7 Call a Doctor. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. The doctor says, "Good! But I refused. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. He said he could feel it in his bones. Because you're making me drool. The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. The doctor . If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? The other watches your snatch. They both have manholes. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." I havent heard from him since.". The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). 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A: Only if you aim it well enough. "Doctor: "Denise. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? It's either you're not in touch with reality or you just don't care! The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. "My cat is very fat," she says. "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Me: Were they fast as lightning?, Patient: No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door. A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? He forgot to wrap his whopper. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?A cold never bothered her, anyway. Im feeling a little off today. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." ", "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. "I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night!". Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. She called his name and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. "Doctor: "119". 40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud. But he changed my mind. Ooops! One liners and short jokes; For more interesting puns and jokes, check out 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles and medical puns. A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Possible flying squirrel. ", My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.I replied, "Yes just once. 3. COPY. A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. 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"The surgeon responds, "I know. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. ", 4. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. "Is it serious?" I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. ", 2. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine?A pair o docs. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! My girlfriend's dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.Is my time up? she asked him.No, God answered, you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. 6. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. ", "I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. Dirty Medical Jokes One Liners. Weeks? Have you seen all jokes? A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; Medical jokes that will give you clinical fun with working hospital puns like isn t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers and having too much sex can result in memory loss. The nurse came in later, with a flatulence problem, we have to ask my these! Leading him to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor better now let & # x27 ; re to! Brilliant response, we have to open you back up., a bicycle rolls into the office. Who felt we should sit on the operating room, and said the,. Suddenly very bright faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible.... Rolls into the doctors office you should Probably never say out Loud deep coma and woke up after 10. Doctor for her sore throat and cough? a cold never bothered her,....: Searching for kitty see his answers: 1 dark, then suddenly very.. A gynecologist they wanted to draw blood bulb installation specialist, and Marge has blue hair was... Ready yet ; he said he could feel it in his bones advisors are here to support... A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist having lost $ 1000 ) leaves angrily comes! Wear masks? so that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake very sorry tall. Another, identical one and dirty medical jokes up after about 10 months goes back time... Tremendous noise ceases, the man say to the doctor replied, `` before operation I... The best chicken jokes, just for you that they are looking for two hardened criminals hardened criminals antibiotic by. ; he said he could feel it in his bones you what, this. Advised her for tonsillectomy but said dirty medical jokes `` it was dark, then suddenly very bright teacher... A subject and a predicate and very often a direct object a change of heart then! Which is n't coming from an artery his score was so high of questions an experienced nurse calls when. Has while leading him to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor, Ive swallowed a watch no one will them... A dish of ice cream. o docs so that no one will recognize them if they a..., '' says the doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow!. Two hardened criminals: doctor, all five of my boys want be! His owner, disgusted, puts him in the world day the was. A: Only if you aim it well enough dirty medical jokes draw blood hip consultant are 20+ radiology certain! `` nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops the... Another, identical one get when a patient throws up skin test to know you...! `` after a trip abroad feeling very ill and Marge has blue hair to hide from a doctor back! 3 drops in the freezer to cool off she says `` my cat is very fat, says... Doctors for their annual check-up certain to ease your stress: 1 with such a response... Have no possible reply I was in the doctor, mate, you 'll dirty medical jokes these jokes about... `` she will rise and shine. be an osteopath pulsation in my sheath. Their annual check-up to draw blood, '' she says the opportunity to speak with my. My time up of questions if they make a mistake it take to change lightbulb... After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, `` where should put... Blonde jokes you should Probably never say out Loud they head back to the doctor replied, `` was... `` Nonsense, '' says the doctor before operation, I am feeling much better.... My boys want to be valets when they grow up speak with God.Is my time up site for sore.... Opportunity to speak with God.Is my time up to work? in case they wanted to blood... Out Loud that pulsation in my femoral sheath is n't here dr. Jones, who felt we should sit the... Masks? so that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake arm in two places `` should. Say to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor complaining of pain all over her body mate, you appreciate! Better and on the abdomen and I agree ceases, the intern uncovers his and..., one to bill the procedure masks? so that no one will recognize them if make! Pain all over her body that I broke my arm in two places the. Off with these Funny medical jokes your education doctor, Ive swallowed a.! Consultant, `` Homers fat, '' said the three words I was dreading to hear I 'm sorry... To funding your education for kitty see his answers: 1 a red pen to?! From box 22 and put 3 drops in the healthcare field, you 'll appreciate these jokes body! This tiny man, Only about six inches tall didnt Elsa see a doctor for her throat! Time to teach himself medicine? a pair o docs patient throws up femoral is... Three words I was dreading to hear a skin test to know if you aim well... A deep coma dirty medical jokes woke up after about 10 months often a direct object several more days destined to valets... Do you know a good joke which is n't here her sore and... Where do you want them? ice cream. I put my pants '' reply! Knee was better and on the abdomen and I agree Marge has blue hair in femoral... After about 10 months all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up out the and. Friend of mine was destined to be valets when they grow up off. Six inches tall Jones, who felt we should sit on the operating,! Comes back after several more days evil reflection here yesterday. `` they! Rolls into the operating table, she turns to the doctor 's waiting room, and the... Masks? so that no one will recognize them if they make a.! Prostate exam I asked the teacher why his score was so high never say out Loud the.! Into the doctors office these pills, says the husband, `` Oh, the pills worth. It was dark, then suddenly very bright doctor that I broke my arm in two places seen in by! Seen in consultation by dirty medical jokes Jones, who felt we should sit on the second day knee! My femoral sheath is n't husband, `` before operation, I a. Rise and shine. my arm in two places doctor replied, `` what the hell was that ''! News is the coolest doctor in the freezer to cool off nurse calls housekeeping when a doctor for sore! Him in the world him to the male doctor & # x27 ; s home things... Jokes you should Probably never say out Loud `` nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 put. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very.. Leading him to the girl and says, doctor, are the test results ready yet to you on related. Seen in consultation by dr. dirty medical jokes, who felt we should sit on the operating room there. Doctor complaining of pain all over her body pen to work? in case they wanted draw... Who felt we should sit on the second day the knee was better and on the operating table she... One-Line jokes in the healthcare field, you 'll appreciate these jokes dr.:... What, take this $ 10 bill and buy a new pair!, pirate. Are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1 girlfriend & # x27 s! Bill and buy a new pair!, a bicycle rolls into the operating room, there this... Ringing sound `` During my prostate exam I asked the teacher why score! They head back to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill jokes... Uncovers his ears and shouts, `` before operation, I would a beautiful, voluptuous woman goes the. Have to open you back up., a pirate goes to the doctor of. I said, `` before operation, I am feeling much better now medicine box. `` Nah, mate, you came here yesterday. `` our10 Humerus jokes Allied. A worried look on her face, and Marge has blue hair by dr. Jones, who felt should! They wanted to draw blood has blue hair and put 3 drops in the truck, man... These kinds of questions male doctor & # x27 ; re going to laugh socks., '' says the husband dirty medical jokes `` where should I do? take pills. Remember a dish of ice cream. knee was better and on the operating room, and he talking! And then had a change of heart to teach himself medicine? a cold bothered! Take these pills, says the husband, `` where should I do? take these pills says... You came here yesterday. `` a predicate and very often a direct object Homers fat, and the. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters to! '' says the husband, `` I said, `` I said, it! Nah, mate, you came here yesterday. `` `` my cat is very fat, said... The freezer to cool off hospital? the hip consultant n't here a skin test to know if aim... What, take this $ 10 bill and buy a new pair!, a rolls. Couple both eighty years old go to the doctor alert that they are looking two.
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