My/my child's/my friend's/a complete stranger's inhaler is empty/missing! And if you have kids do you want them to be raised with this toxic environment. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. For making it my hill to die on or am I exaggerating? Best of luck!! Definitely NTA. po Shes realized now that their behavior is way out of line and is standing up for her fianc and their relationship. NTA I have a large amount of male cousin I am female they joke but nothing like what you are describing. If these guys need to grunt and scratch their balls to show that they are real men let them - but these are not jokes. If you don't cut these relatives out of your life, when Tim leaves you, you will end up marrying someone like them. Gotta draw the line somewhere, and these people are just awful. Was your dad expecting that you "uninvite" your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you invited him? After the tire slashing I would have called the cops and gone NC. Of course not, bullies are inherently cowards. Again, keep in mind him and I have never once hung out one on one just strictly in social settings. He didn't drive a wedge, they did! This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the whole situation. NTA. I'll bet they're were planning the Bug Big Wedding Prank! They shouldve had charges pressed on them for slashing his tires. This is hazing. It eventually got sorted but seriously, what was the point? NTA depending on how severe his asthma is then no inhaler = death. Definitely hold your ground and support your fiance. You just gotta stop being so sensitive. OP should also press charges and get them to confess per textmessage so she has proofe. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. Your husband will never be comfortable around them and that's not fair to him. And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. Enough internet for today. This is not the hill Im willing to die on, this is the hill you tried to KILL him on!. All the best to you both with your marriage! YTA to let these pranks happen to him for way to long, Lol how was she letting the pranks happen? This! The man you want to marry has been shamed, had his property vandalized, been made uncomfortable, and his health, possibly life, endangered. And that's not even getting into how dangerous and stupid their "pranks" were. OOP can fucking choke. This doesn't even seem like bullying this seems like they're legit trying to kill himslashing his tyres? I personally have no qualms with cutting people out of my life if they're cruel or indulge cruelty. I think it's great to forgive assholes if they stop, and family unity is important, but if someone is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole and refuses to stop being an asshole, they definitely should be kept as far away as possible. Thats not an excuse, honestly. I said it's possible, but that is still a very unlikely possibility. Or- even worse- try to influence the kids (especially the boys) to be more like them, and to think vandalism and cruelty are acceptable? NTA all the way. These are the types of jackasses that don't believe food allergies are real. They are abusive, this is one of the worst examples of toxic masculinity I have ever come across. How he didnt dip after that I just dont understand. But remind him that it isn't him driving the wedge its your family mistreating him and by extension YOU as constantly you have asked them to stop, constantly they have ignored you. If you're not ready for that, then maybe just low-contact along with using the gray-rock method (a technique where you interact with your abuser as little as possible, and when you do, don't give them a reaction). You know what OP's group of male family members are doing? This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. I'll say gently that you should consider therapy after growing up with abuse myself and normalizing terrible behaviour. NTA you protect your husband. OP need to step up an explain to her family what prank are and what is and isn't appropriate to do because they clearly don't know/care. Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? These aren't pranks. Don't let his presence tarnish a day that is meant to celebrate how amazing and strong you are. Bullies are going to bully, but at least if you elope, they won't have the opportunity and no one else will be asking you where your dad and brother are. Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. NTA. They are immature, idiot morons But when I get an attack I get so little air I feel like I'm being strangled sometimes. And they could have killed your fiance with this! NTA. Do not just uninvite them from your wedding, uninvite them from your life. That was about two years ago, fast forward to now. They're just bullying your fiance because they don't like him I assume. For a joke that isn't even funny. I just cant believe people can be like this. And the inhaler is really helpful but they probably wont need to call an ambulance if I dont have it and cough we dont know that my bronchi will stick with inflamed enough to not be able to talk or move around doing tasks of daily living. Its not something that keeps me up at night, even if I have recently started coughing outside the house (before COVID) when I didnt have my inhaler because I hadnt needed it when I didnt have a cold for years. Do you guys have kids? They are vandalism, destruction of property, and attempted murder. They also sound horribly insecure. NTA. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. Medical paternalism sucks. Your family is not doing pranks they are awful bullys and terrorizing him. Obviously NTA for your particular behaviour here, but YTA for not shutting that down immediatly. I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly. The funniest is snipping valve stems. Everyone thinks asthma is no serious thing. (unsaid: Sir, if it was in the wrong spot, we wouldn't know that, or we wouldn't have put it there now, would we?). "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. OP found somebody committed to her. Theyll make your partners life a misery and at some point youd be forced to choose so you might as well choose your husband-to-be upfront. Hiding an inhaler when away from home could be fatal. But even then, I still wouldn't want them at the wedding until they could acknowledge what cockwombles they were. But I keep refusing to re invite them. My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. This! They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Press J to jump to the feed. Also expect your mom might say she isn't going if they don't. She should've shut that crap down long ago, and you can't fault Tim for wondering how their married life would turn out with that family in the background. Who cares "what type of man he is" i would stay your ground and not let them come because as I said previously something serious could of happened and you nor your SO need that toxicity in your lives. They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry its just a prank, bro. Enough people in general for today. Go no contact with the lot of them before they ruin your marriage and your children's lives. This is what I thought. They were so busy feeding their egos that it didn't occur to them that they were jerks who were committing a crime when slashing tires and seriously risking the fiances life when they hid his inhaler. They are absolutely brilliant in other ways and some of the kindest people I know. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Right. Rip out the engines with a crane/lift and angle-grinder, to see if they fix it themself or they are lazy people.. That's idiotic. Definitely NTA!! You're TA for continuing to subject your fiance to them. Whats up with their strange view on masculinity? to be honest, if I were your fianc Id reconsider marrying you if you didnt put your foot down here. Over a prank? The replies here are really inconsiderate. You are NTA unless you reinvite them. NTA-a set of tires can cost $1000 to replace. I'm firmly with you on banning them from the wedding (and, honestly, everything else too). You're not exaggerating. They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying. They refuse to even apologize for trying to kill your fiance. You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! It doesn't look dangerous to them when you're wheezing from an attack. Disrespect to him is disrespect to you. OP this is a hill worth dying on. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I know plenty of men that cant hunt, fish or turn a wrench and you know what? All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. To cut a long story short, I realised quite quickly in my older teen years (17) that my dad manipulated and gaslit me throughout my childhood and my mother was never the villain. They are bullying. Like he is such a keeper OMG what is the family even on about "what little respect"?!?! And he was abused/ hazed. My stepdad doesnt have a car because his car stopped working a while ago and wont buy his own. After making a decision that tore his family in half, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Yup, my uncle had throat cancer and didn't go see a doctor until the tumour was so large he couldn't swallow solid food anymore. Theyve shown theyre committed enough to this to endanger another persons life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation theyre going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy. Absolutely none of this is "good natured fun". Your family sucks, and Im sorry. At least now the joke is accessible to everyone, even if it somehow dulls the joke somewhat. This is more than just consequences for actions, it's looking out for your special day. Tell your husband he'll be more stressed if it turns out to be a serious condition. I wouldnt even consider talking to them for a while. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. Bullying and witholding a life saving medication are another. He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know. What is going to happen if you have kids? They put his life at risk, am I getting this right? She still goes all out. NTA but you wont be if you dont take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops. OP is fucking tim over by the numbers by waffling. NTA, but your fiance deserves a better woman. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. Lets cut the brake lines to see if hes a real man who can use the emergency brake! To not breathing. yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. Hiding his inhaler and trying to kill/risk his life. NTA - do NOT let these awful people come to your wedding. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. "AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?". And even then, if someone gets seriously freaked out (as opposed to just startled), you apologize and never do it again. Thats risking someones life, its criminal at this point! AITA? You did not ruin your relationship with your family. Your fiance is a saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you alot to stick with you! Attempted murder. Only ones he were allowed to see where my grandparents. You're family doesn't know the definition of "prank". I was living with them and did what he wanted. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. what if he needed his inhaler? NTA. The rest of us are capable of exhibiting self-control like adultswhy can't they? I'm 33 M and I recently went back to college for a BFA. If you still get married don't be surprised if he wants to get out of every family gathering etc if he can to avoid them. Slashing tires? NTA. NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. The fact that your dad said that he would apologize if he "had to" is disturbing. I love this! Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". NTA. That wasnt a prank. Your family sounds absolutely horrid, and you're wise not to expose yourself to their bullying. Are they trying to prove they are better than future hubby? NTA. dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. I'm surprised he wanted to go on a 3 day trip with them after everything else they've done to him. Whenever I get a new job site I make it clear I love pranks. This is bullying and real dangerous stuff. Had your SO had an attack, and not been able to find his medication, panic could have set in. Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property. AITA for uninviting my dad from my graduation and telling him I never want to see him again? Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed? Damn. Also, asthma attacks can be deadly. NTA. They will absolutely do this and worse to your kids, to make sure they turn out "tough, not like their father". Tires aren't free. AHs are still AHs. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. Honestly that was pretty rude of her but unless her actions were specifically malicious I don't think she is the asshole NAH. True. Slashing someones tires is NOT a prank! Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. Tell them that your wedding is childfree and they can come when they grow up. . Just they just seem like big bullies to me. This needs to be your hill to die on before your fiance really actually dies. This doesn't mean men aren't ignored & gaslit by doctors because they are. NTA EditImagine how far you could have taken it "Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not answering his phone. What do you mean he leftOK no worries I will wait till he gets home. This!!! And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." NTA, Damn, well said! Your family is driving the wedge between you. Also, as an asthmatic, I can say that if anyone did that to me, I would never trust them in my home or around me ever again. This!! See you after the wedding, assholes. I bet the pranksters are anti-vaxxers too. And I'd say their behavior is not funny nor normal. As this is NOT normal male behavior. Are you going to allow these people around your future children? These men literally think they can just, likewill their bodies to be healthy???? Property destruction is one thing. Its about living or dying. Do not compromise on this, theyre irredeemable assholes. NTA. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. These aren't pranks, these are attacks. Will they get the same abuse? It's 100% just asshole bullying. How can four people be so fucked in the head to think it is acceptable to hide much-needed medication from someone?! NTA, in my opinion you're getting a pretty good deal, cutting one toxic member of your family out and a few enablers are going with them. Ill be honest, the fact that the Op didnt cut ties with their family after that prank. im sure OP has tried to shut it down before. Slashing his tyres? They probably feel less than because he's a college boy (that's the thing they have pointed out) so they are all proving that they are actually real men while he isn't. She can only see these actions through the lens of it being normal teasing. However, she doesn't like her either. I wonder if they did one to see if he knew how to put on a spare tire. They slashes his tires and you did what? I can't wrap my head around her thinking ANY of this was okay enough to let it get to this point. They have no respect for either of you or your relationship. NTA. If someone slashed my tires they are paying or i am calling the police.the men in your family are immature bullies. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. Yes. Who supports you and your dreams? They could have killed him. Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. They've shown who they are and they aren't going to change. The dad is a master manipulator, and the siblings likely haven't realized they're being abused yet. I wouldnt want them around any potential future sons. ". Your family went in the bullying / torture zone with their pranks. My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. The opposite in fact. There's enough idiots in the world who would say the same things I say but actually mean what they say. The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. This is a hill to die on. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. NTA. NTA. This wasn't a prank. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and having much higher rates of completing suicide. Dad and his cronies are all abusive assholes. Maybe consider going LC/NC for a while. NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding. Stuck to your guns, your poor finance has been through more than enough and must really love you to have tolerated this bullshit. OP is the poster child for NTA. Harsh comparison but the Ahmmaud Arbery killers thought they were perfectly fine blowing that guy away in the street under the stand your ground law, they were shocked that anyone wanted to arrest them when they were handcuffed at their house. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. My siblings have disowned me and speak badly about me and the situation. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. She sounds like shes been seething. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. Yes. Study after study has shown that men presenting with the same symptoms as women are more likely to be listened to, taken seriously, and receive appropriate & timely medical care. 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